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The Pages of Now & Forever (More or Less)

An Orgy of Jason's Thoughts & Rants (served hot and fresh daily)

1/2/14 11:21 am - Damn My Memory

So I can't remember my address, phone number, and even my age but my old Live Journal account? Crystal clear. Thank you, brain.

8/22/07 03:19 pm

What ho? An entry? From me? Perhaps, but not entirely. I’m actually posting a little note here to anyone who cares that due to recent censoring on Live Journal I’ve decided to move on.

Hahaha, yeah right.  True my future has a popular fan fiction writer for closet pedophiles might be hampered but I’ve grown to accept that some dreams are best left dreamt. 

Actually I’m posting to let anyone who cares know that I’ve started my own blog as more personal way to keep track of various art projects and to keep me drawing.  My dreams of a Muppet Babies yaoi might be dead but not of being a worthless penniless desperate well-to-do artist.

You can find the page here. Feel free to RSS it or whatever but be warned: not all of the art is pretty…in fact a lot of it sucks.  Lots of doodles, scraps from my sketchbooks, aborted drawings, and every now and again something that I don’t entirely hate.  Oh, and given that it's my artwork, there's probably some nudity (it's not all fan service, I promise). I still haven't figured everything out but so far it's working pretty well.

So farewell, and thanks for putting up with me for so long.

11/28/06 01:29 pm - Vigilante: The Movie

 

Vigilante: The Movie.  See it with someone you really don't plan on impressing much!

11/25/06 12:41 pm - /flowerstomp


     I'm not sure which vile, mucus-dripping branch, if any, of EA developed this Sims port but someone, somewhere made the most generic looking game painfully cute and they deserve a cookie.

     Add one title to the if-somebody-gave-me-the-system-then-I'd-probably-buy-this-game list.

11/16/06 01:15 pm - One step forward, a million steps back

     Why aren’t there more women in gaming? The only ones we ever hear about are idiot divas licking PSPs or low self esteem attention whores stuffing peripherals down their pants. Wouldn’t it be great if the industry as a whole began to treat women gamers as people instead of some interdimensional alien race with boobs? I do, and so do these people. Why, just look at their mission statement!

     “To assist in the proliferation of females in gaming genres of all types and to help raise awareness of the female gaming audience among game publishers and advertisers. To make the gaming industry take women gamers seriously and to treat them with respect as equals.”

     A noble cause! How are they going to do this you ask? By holding the Miss Video Game competition!

     Wait, one more time to help it sink in. In order for guys to respect women gamers we must first objectify them. My god, it makes perfect sense!

     So how does one become Miss Video Game? Officially one must have personality, be female, play games “like its[sic] your job,” and, I’m not making this up, love the beach. Of course, all you really have to do in order to get selected is show some cleavage in the gallery but adding “must have ample cleavage” to the requirements might seem, I don’t know, tacky.

     The winner will be crowned next June after playing on five different systems and over fifteen games (that’s three per system for the women who find math to be hard). The site also provides a helpful and terrifying warning: the winner might have to play RETRO (in all caps) games. Of course, as enlightened as these fine folks are retro, I’m sorry, RETRO probably means Super Mario World but it’s still pretty cute/sad.

     So aside from the scorn of women gamers everywhere what can Miss Video Game expect to win? A trip for two to Mexico, a thousand bucks, a to-be-determined system (Wii), and, um, to be featured in an upcoming video game title.

     Why do I get the feeling that means “third cheerleader from the right” in a random EA title?

10/24/06 12:21 pm - I really, really like OpenCanvas

I don't think she's too happy...
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10/6/06 06:40 pm - Open Canvas is Absolutely Delicious

Photoshop can kiss my unshaven butt...

     Sure Deviantart.com is full of self-loathing high 10th graders who take pictures of themselves cutting each other, add a photoshop filter, and make millions of dollars off of sold prints but I can say that if you are in the right mind frame one can learn a few things.  For example, today I learned about a neat program called Open Canvas and it demands a sacrifice right now!  Raaarg!

     I don’t want to sound like and advertisement but after only four straight hours of coloring I’ve decided our first born will be named Open Canvas Plott.  Previously it was Gul Dukat Plott and before that it was Wolverine Plott but this time I’m pretty certain it’s going to stick.  It has screentones, too!  I'm excited!

     I have some other news I'll babble on about later but now I need food.  So...go away.

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9/26/06 06:37 pm - Well that was unexpected...

Hey Mr Miller!  Blah blah blah...

     It's some sort of bizarre coincidence that the very next day after setting up a little print shop on Deviant Art one of my old pieces gets selected as a Daily Deviation.  Crazy.  Now I've got like two hundred thank yous to send and friends to add.  Oh, it's so difficult being so popular *fans self with hundred dollar bill*

     Anyhow, I'll be adding more prints to the shop as time goes by.  Deviant Art's service is actually pretty nice but a bit slow (okay, really slow) and reformatting the images is just a hoot so yeah, it's going to take some time.  And if you don't buy my stuff I'm going to start cutting myself and posting artisic pictures of it on my journal.  Or maybe I'll make prints of that!  Those seem to sell well (I wish I was kidding).

8/29/06 05:45 pm - It probably seemed like a good idea at the time...

I can't help thinking about muffins...

     Import specialist NCS is offering for a mere $85 this.  I'm sorry, I meant to say these.

Webcam porn just isn't worth it, people.

     Be the envy of all your workplace peers as you rub your scar-covered wrist over and in between the simulated breasts of a drawing of a fifteen year-old girl.  Though she doesn't talk you can almost imagine her arousing moans with every subtle, gentle cursor movement and even pretend to muffle her tearful screams with your fat, wireless mouse.

     "Who would buy this?" you're probably asking yourself.  Somebody apparently thought there was a market for mouse pads with breasts and I suppose sleazeball, wife-beating, pedophilic, amateur porn director ex-husbands are a pretty easy mark but still how could you use one without wanting to end your obviously miserable life as quickly as you can?

     Perhaps I'm looking at this the wrong way.  If you're a man, sorry, if you're a MAN you should be able to file your taxes online while simultaneously stimulating a woman therefore the breast enhanced mouse pad simply serves as a reminder to any pathetic worm that crosses a man's path that he is indeed a man and not some incredibly sad sack of flesh who finds the act of rubbing his filthy, hairy wrist all over a foam mouse pad with tits either arousing or hilarious.

     Yeah, it's pretty much a no win situation so for the love of humanity don't buy a mouse pad with breasts.  I don't care how tempting it may be or how drunk you'll later claim you were just...just don't.  Please.

8/23/06 10:39 pm - She Dies by Ninjas in December

     Sure you've bought the t-shirts, illegally downloaded the music, and lied about following them on their European tour but how big a fan of She Dies by Ninjas in December are you really?  If you were to go on Jeopardy tonight and were given the answer, "This member of the world's best and only emo-industrial-gothic band lost his role of lead vocalist when it became apparent that he could not talk and no one really liked him anyway" would you be able to reply, "Who is Squall?"  I don't think so.

     So please, educate yourself with part one of the SDBNID documentary and stop being such a poseur.

8/9/06 11:24 pm - Freakin' Mage...

She's like a mage and a warlock.  Malock?  Warage?
    The younger of the twins, the curse thrives off of Ranke's bitterness towards her older and more respected sister, Liese.  Ranke embraces her family's curse and carefully plots her rise to power however each passing day reminds her how incredible her sister's talents are in comparison.  To squander such ability on the sick and helpless...what a fool.

7/26/06 10:51 am - Proof that I don't hate all things Final Fantasy

     It's reasons like this that make it difficult to dislike self-absorbed gaming blog Kotaku. The only Squaresoft commercial I remember from "back in the day" was for Chrono Trigger. I think it was on MTV and, for some reason, completely in Japanese ("Kerono Trigga").

     I don't believe Mog was ever this useful in the actual game. He'd jump forward, do a silly dance, and then fall flat on his face like he had some sort of mental disorder. Stupid, cute little moogle.

7/13/06 09:34 am - Jason: Master of the Blog


     I’ve never really considered myself a blog whore but now that I’ve magically attached a streamed video to my LiveJournal I don’t think I can hide from that label any more. I hope you’re happy.

     Anyhow, if this doesn’t convince you to pester me for a free 10-day trial and play World of Warcraft then you can just go to hell. Ah yes, irrational, emotional outbursts. My journey towards the dark side of blogging is nearly complete! Now I need go cut myself...

7/6/06 02:27 pm - Aquatic Hell

            There are five, maybe two-hundred, design atrocities that have haunted my gaming career not least of which is the dreaded “water stage.”  Typical traits of these bastard levels include, but aren’t limited to: the ability to drown, floating controls, slow movement, automatic scrolling, and obscured vision.   

 

No one enjoys water stages and those who say they do are liars.  Fat, ugly, hateful liars.  Yet there they are, polluting our otherwise wonderful games.  I can only assume they are used to interrupt regular, enjoyable stage progression so that the player isn’t allowed to have too much fun.

 

I recently received Sonic Rush for the DS and there I was, having a good old time running my little polygonal hedgehog through the woods at blazing speed when whatever Sega-induced buzz I was working on is permanently killed by Stage 2: This Stage Is Nothing But Water.

 

Water stages in Sonic games are probably the most ludicrous and cruel of all water stages simply because the games are supposed to be built around speed.  This doesn’t make similar stages in Super Mario Brothers any less worse, of course, nor the sequences in Half-Life or Quake 2 where you have to swim from point A to point B before you very short oxygen supply ran out.  The justifiably obscure Bravoman, tries to mix it up by turning the platformer into a shooter for the water stages.  This only makes the game suck even more.

 

The one possible exception would have to be Donkey Kong Country and that is only because of the incredibly relaxing, 80s-synth-like background music featured in those rendered watery stages.  DKC was one of those games that if you hit pause the music would continue.  Being the ultra geek that I was I had my SNES rigged up through a separate receiver so I could pause the game, turn off the TV, and simply chill to that wondrous tune.

 

I’d like to say that I’ve since gotten a life but here I am complaining about video games in my online journal.  It’s like the water stage of my existence.

6/30/06 11:43 am - Glimmering Turds

I’ll roll my eyes at the countless posts on the World of Warcraft forums regarding breast sizes and non-raider angst but there are those few glimmering turds that sit atop all of the others and suffocate my arteries with their inane logic and mind numbing ignorance.

 

One such post began with the popular trend of bashing anime, specifically a piece of fanart titled “Anime Demon Hunter.”  As ridiculous as the title is it was hilariously appropriate because the image is exactly how you would imagine it.  The only way it could have been even more generic is if it was titled “Japanimation Demon Hunter.”

 

Naturally the mere mention of anime sparked an intense battle flinging Naruto, Dragonball, and tentacle porn-related insults all over the place.  This isn’t what caught my attention by the throat, throttling it in a violently epileptic fury of malicious delight.  No, it was the mutant argument about yaoi.

 

Yaoi is a favorite topic of mine because in the past it has been so bizarrely misrepresented amongst the more rabid American fans.  Consider this slightly paraphrased statement from the volatile thread: “Yaoi is not about arousal but gay-relationships.  If you took Will & Grace and turned it into an anime it would be considered yaoi.”

 

“Delusional” is the item that springs immediately to mind.  Well, that and “Ahahahahahahahahahaha!” followed quickly by “Woooooh!”

 

I realize genres become blurred with greater exposure but the “it’s not porn” angle of yaoi never ceases to crack me up.  It is porn, of course, but certain fans just can’t except it or are simply too embarrassed to admit it.  Granted I think the above statement just confused shonen-ai with yaoi but the image of hardcore Will & Grace slash is just really, really funny.

 

Knowing the futility of the effort I replied questioning the author’s definition of yaoi but it and the original statement were drowned out by many, many posts arguing interpretation of the demon hunter (“He has tattoos,” “Nuh-uh!  He has a blindfold,” “You stupid @$%# his wings are supposed to be longer,” etc).  This is probably for the better because I can only imagine how much fun arguing with a delusional fan-person over the World of Warcraft general forums would be (somewhere between pulling off one’s toenails and being molested by Grape Ape).

 

If you take anything away from these words let it be the following:

 

Will & Grace is not yaoi.

            A poorly drawn, anthropomorphic Grape Ape having sex with a younger version of Jonny Quest is yaoi.

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6/27/06 04:03 pm - She's cute...but deadly!

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5/28/06 02:42 am - Can't sleep...

     Rachel's up in Savannah so I'm having difficulty falling asleep.  Not that Rachel puts me to sleep...quite the opposite really.  She often informs me that my voice puts her to sleep which she also insists is a good thing.  So any time she has trouble getting to sleep she asks me to talk about video games or why I would take a bullet for Star Control 2 and me, thinking she's really interested in what I have to say, am more than happy to ramble on.  I'm such a sucker.

     Anyhow, I should attempt to go to bed.  Here's a little doodle I did from reference that I was working on in between other projects.  Nothin' fancy and riddled with error but it was fun to color so nyah!

Chu Chu Chuuuuuuuuu!
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4/28/06 08:30 am - Only one pun, I promise.

     So by now I’m sure you’ve heard that Nintendo has officially named its next system the Wii (pronounced “we”).  Forums and news sites are rife with horribly punned headlines such as “Nintendo takes a Wii,” “Let’s all play with our Wii,” or “Wii Wii Wii all the way home.”

 

     It’s times like this that make me feel justified in my current ambivalence toward the industry.  The near insane amount of backlash Nintendo is receiving from fanatics and *cough* journalists alike is pretty ridiculous.  I mean, I made fun of Microsoft’s brilliantly stupid “Xbox 360” moniker but that was mainly because of the logic behind its philosophy (or lack thereof).  The name still isn’t going to prevent me from buying the system (the complete lack of anything interesting on it will).

 

     Now if Nintendo released a penis-shaped system and called it the Hitler Hugger then I might have an issue purchasing it.  The Wii, though?  Come on.  We’ve survived the Turbografx-16, the Super Nintendo, the Genesis, the Playstation, and the Dreamcast.  Hell, even our games sound ridiculous: Final Fantasy XII?  World of Warcraft?  Super Mario Brothers?

 

     We as gamers have been playing stupid games on stupid systems sense the industry’s birth.  A little Wii won’t change that.

4/24/06 08:37 pm - Morrigan

Please comment you trendy goth prat!  What are you, like, 35?  Do they even allow you in to Hot Topic anymore?  What the hell am I talking about?!

     I had something to say but when I typed it out it didn’t look anywhere near as entertaining as I had originally thought it might be so oh well.  Busy busy busy…now scoot!
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4/17/06 06:47 pm - An Offense to Science and 3D...


Heretic!

In two hours I’ve managed to not only create more computer generated 3D than I have in my entire life but also offend every astronomer everywhere with my heretical and naïve map of our known solar system.  I’ve seen fifth grade science fair projects more accurate than this atrocity.  It is, indeed, a dark day for astronomy.

This is my first real step forward into the wonderful yet hilariously terrifying world of Maya.  My guide is a slightly intimidating book that seems to adjust its difficulty randomly.  At first we’re creating simple spheres on a grid.  Next we are to create a fully operational trebuchet so that we may overtake the neighboring kingdom what with their high stone walls and lethal archers.  Then, I think, we’re making a cube.

            Anyhow, there’s Sol in all of its inaccurate glory.  I’m too animate it next, spinning the planets and moons around each other and, eventually, the sun.  It started getting pretty complex and my head’s already killing me from work so playing god will just have to wait until tomorrow.  I’m pretty excited, though.  I mean, what I’m doing is really, really basic but I’m starting to form (dangerous) ideas of how I can already tweak this abomination of science.  Patience, however, is a necessity for I have already learned that skipping a step (quite by accident) ends in hilarity for the author and confusion for me.

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2/18/06 10:31 pm - "I'm sorry..."

Innocent my butt...


     She says as she knees you in the crotch.  I have no idea what inspired this image of Sophitia...I don't even like her that much...but one thing led to another and yeah, there she is.  She isn't even inked...I just wanted to play around with coloring pencils.  And backgrounds.  And highlights.  And...yeah, things got kind of nuts.  Anyone else remember how whiny she was in Soul Blade?  She had that great ground stab (five, if I'm not mistaken) but still...she sounded like a cat being flung across a room into a bucket of water (two points if you can name that cat).

2/17/06 03:47 pm - Spreading the pain...

It's like C.H.I.P.S. only...no, no.  It's nothing like C.H.I.P.S.  I'm so sorry.

     My website is still going through some address issues but as an early celebration for getting the thing uploaded onto a new server I present you with this terrible, terrible game: Party Time: Gonta the Diver II.  The article contains poorly digitized representations of the female breast so those of a sensitive nature beware!  Actually, those with any form of common sense beware, as well. 

1/24/06 08:21 pm - I got a brand new razor...

 



     So Jay and I started an "emo" band sometime in 2004.  It's taken us this long to put out our first album because, you know, we're so depressed and stuff.  Here's the jacket to the first, self-titled CD.  You can click on them for higher resolution images but I won't be responsible for any cutting inspired by our deep and edgy cover art.

     While I'm on the subject of sarcasm and making fun of people check out this little write up Zangief contributed to my page.  If you ever become interested in freelancing you really should read this first and then proceed to cry yourself to sleep.  Or just listen to our band!

12/15/05 01:51 pm - Happy Holidays

     Just a quick update to wish you all a happy holiday season filled with joy and numerous job offers that you'll pass to Jason.  And hey, here's a little something extra because I love you all so much: an abusive retrospective commentary of one of the greatest 2D fighting games ever made, Samurai Shodown (spelled correctly, mind you).

     Happy holidays, all!

 

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